Zac’s Precious Feet Will Not Flutter in Footloose

March 23, 2009 / Posted by:

Zac Efron has pulled out of the Footloose remake and will not butt fuck it to shreds. Paramount confirmed that Zac’s twinkly feetsies will not fill the dance moves left behind by Kevin Bacon. That’s the good news. The bad news is they plan to go ahead with this fuckery anyway!

They released this statement that smells like caca baking on a sidewalk: Footloose is a project we’ve longed to see re-booted for a new generation. While Zac is no longer attached, we remain excited and committed to the collective brain trust of Kenny Ortega, Neil Meron and Craig Zaden, who will reinvigorate the franchise. Their fresh take on the film will undoubtedly be filled with the same kind of breakout performances that we’ve come to expect from them.

Translation: “We couldn’t afford Zac’s daily bronzer budget.”

Paramount should take this as a motherfucking sign. If Zac Efron doesn’t want to shake his starhole in their movie, then they should probably just file it under “Ideas that failed” and go on their merry way. This shit was obviously not meant to be destroyed. Maybe next lifetime.

Here’s pretty pretty Zac sashaying his way through Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris today. Just ignore the Kanye West in the room. Pretend he’s not there. It’s for your own good. Several scientific professionals have urged me not to feed his ego after dark.

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