Vadge’s Nanny Quits That Bitch

Vadge’s former nanny, an Australian chick named Angela, is probably waking up this morning feeling like ten trillion dollars, because the roidy beast known as Vadge is finally off her back. Angela, who worked as David Banda’s caretaker, quit that bitch last month, but Vadge wasn’t going to let her have the last word! No! Vadge crawled out from the coffin she sleeps in and demanded that Angela take her Australian ass out of her house now!

A source spilled it to the Daily Mail, “All Madonna’s employees work incredibly long hours, so it’s no surprise that Angela had had enough. If you work for Madonna you are on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There’s no such thing as a weekend. The rumour is that Madonna was furious that Angela was leaving and dismissed her before she had the chance to complete her full notice. Angela was incredibly upset and very surprised because she had been told that Madonna is due to adopt a second baby from Malawi very soon.”

In fact, the source says Vadge is sending one of her personal assistants to Malawi next month to “pick out a baby” and make sure all the document shit is in place. Yes, “pick out a baby.” Not to be confused with “picking out a purse,” but it’s kind of the same thing.

Hey, Vadge is a busy monster. When she’s not whipping Baby Jesuses with her leathery snatch lips, she’s hunting for virgins to skin. She just doesn’t have time to go all the way to Africa to buy her own baby. So she sends her assistant there who lines ’em all up, takes out pictures of Vadge in various outfits and decides who’s going to look the best with their new owner. After that, she shows the kids a picture of The Crypt Keeper. The babies that don’t burst into tears and beg for mercy make the final cut. It’s kind of like America’s Next Top Model, but instead of winning a Cover Girl contract, you win a life in Heeeeeeeeell.