Dave, You Did Wha?!

March 23, 2009 / Posted by:

What is the world coming to?! Every whore and their day pimp is getting married! Even bitches that I never thought would say “I do,” are saying “I DID!David Letterman actually did it. He gulped down 12 scotches, took 10 crack hits and married his longtime homegirl of 23 years, Regina Lasko, at a courthouse in Montana on Thursday. David and Regina have a son Harry together.

ET says that David dropped the news to his audience during a taping of his show today. David said, “On Thursday, at 3 PM, March 19, 2009 at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko. Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about ten years.’ I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I – honestly, whether this happened or not – I secretly felt that men who were married admired me…like I was the last of the real gunslingers, you know what I’m saying? So now, we get ready to go and we’ve got to drive into the courthouse and it’s muddy, and we’re supposed to be there at 2, and it’s me, Regina and Harry in the truck, in the pickup truck…So we get two miles from the house and we get stuck in the mud – I mean, turn the truck over, stuck in the mud. So now we think, ‘Well, somebody will come– no, nobody comes along. Nobody comes along – it’s Thursday afternoon, who’s coming along, Zorro? No, nobody – so I get out of the truck and I walk two miles back to the house into a 50 mile an hour wind. It’s not Beverly Hills, it’s Montana, for God’s sakes. And the whole way, I’m thinking, ‘See, smart ass, see, see, you try to get married, this is what happens. See, well, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. Could have happened any other day, but you wait now, see, this is what you get.’ So then we get in the car and Harry says, ‘Are we still going into town?’ and I said, ‘Yes, we are,’ and he gets very upset because mom had told him if I wasn’t back in an hour, the deal was off.”

That’s actually a cute story, but damn! Now I’m getting scared. I better keep my eyes to myself, because getting hitched is in the air. If I look at a bitch too long, I may find myself chained to them legally and that’s not my idea of a hot time.

But at least all those celebwhores can stop asking Dave when he’s finally going to make Regina an honest woman.

And I get the vibe from Regina that she spends Sunday afternoons making shit out of big pieces of wood with Rojo Caliente in Park Slope. That means she’s a keeper. It also means I must follow her from now on, because she will lead me to the ginge hotness.

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