Blohan Can’t Get A Job

Important shit first. Is that a Capri Sun she’s sucking on or some kind of new Hollywood drug I don’t know about. Or both? Okay, now to Blohan spewing chunks of delusion in an interview with Nylon.

As you know, this bitch isn’t working. And you know the saying, “you can’t even get arrested in this town”? Well, it’s true for this whore! She had a warrant out on her and they still wouldn’t fucking arrest her ass! That’s low.

Blohan’s peddling leggings and caca grease for your skin, but other than that, the skanktardian has nothing else going. This is starting to scare her. She told the magazine, “It’s scary when you realize, ‘Oh my God, I’m not working. And I have a house to pay for now.’… and there’s been some things I’ve really wanted to do. Like the one movie I’ve wanted to do for so long is Alice in Wonderland [directed by Tim Burton]. But, um, that didn’t work out… it is what it is.”

I wasn’t aware that there was an orange-colored gutter crackhead in Alice in Wonderland?

But Blohan is trying to make things happen. Like she’s had real-life meetings with Sean Penn and they want to do a movie with Seth Rogen! Blohan explained, “One is Sean Penn — I spoke to him the other day. We’re trying to get Seth Rogen for this project, but Seth won’t call us back. So call us back, Seth, if you’re reading this!”

Blo, when Sean was doing lines off of your raggedy cooter lips while you were watching Pineapple Express and promised to put you in a movie with Seth Rogen when you said you’ve always wanted to do acting stuff with him, he didn’t mean it for real.

Okay, it sounds to me like Blohan has two options: a) give birth to nine babies or b) get really fat and move to Britain. On second thought, I think the answer to all her problems is in her nose! Bitch just has to sneeze into a Hefty bag, sell it back to her dealer and then retire!

VIA UsWeekly