John Mayer Is About To Say What He Needs To Say In A Tell-All

You may have a new book to help your bowels move along while you’re trying to drop some shit in the toilet. Star Magazine says that John Mayer is yapping to friends that he ready to write a tell-all about his relationship with Jennifer Aniston for $10 million.

A source tells Star, “John just can’t keep his mouth shut. and he’s telling friends that he’s thinking of going public with all their juicy secrets.”

John apparently thinks that people give a moldy shit about Jenny’s obsession with yoga, her weird TV habits, obsession with astrology and her epic tantrums. Yup, sounds like a hard piece of caca that will come in handy when you need to level a table. And what’s so weird about her TV habits? I’m sure the only channel her TV stays on is TLC. All the BABY and WEDDING shows she’ll ever need.

The source also said that John was shocked when she called him “Brad” during grossy times. I think the source heard this wrong. John was probably shocked the one time she didn’t call him Brad while rubbing his douche stick.

And John is already publishing a tell-all…….on fucking Twitter! Seriously, it’s all fucking there. You won’t have to pay cent and you’ll walk away with a squeaky clean vagina after reading it!