MacGyver The Movie: It’s Coming

March 16, 2009 / Posted by:

File this under: News that will make Selma and Patty Bouvier’s ash tray coochies combust in excitement!! The Hollywood Reporter (via Coming Soon) says that producers Raffaella and Dino De Laurentiis are tinkering with a big-screen version of MacGyver.

The producers are currently looking for a whore to write this future piece of Hollywood suckery.

This will only work if three things happen: 1) Richard Dean Anderson drops down to earth to play MacGyver again. 2) Will Forte co-stars as MacGruber, MacGyver’s new sidekick. 3) Patty and Selma are the MacGyver girls who follow him around the world in bikinis. Besides, MacGyver is going to need one of their cigarettes to make a volcano or something.

If these three things don’t happen, MacGyver should swoop in and make a bomb using the staples from the script and his spit to send to the evil doers in Hollywood.

And I’m still saving a special brew of Jenkem for when I’ll have to deal with the horrific news that Hollywood will destroy the greatest TV show starring Scott Bakula: Quantum Leap!!! It’s coming and it’s going to hurt.

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