A warrant has been issued for everyone’s least favorite cokey ‘gina bumper arrest. The charge? Assault with a deadly cokeface. Seriously, that mess above is some BENJAMIN BUTTON’S SHIT. Scratch that. This is some FIRE MARSHALL BILL’S SHIT!
Enough with the jokes, this is a serious (HA!) matter. Hollyscoop says that the Beverly Hills PD issued a warrant for Blohan’s arrest stemming from her hit-and-run DUI back in 2007. Apparently, the meth-for-brains moron didn’t do all the shit she was supposed to do like complete a booze program and perform 10 days of community service. Don’t they know that Blohan is a celebwhore, which means she’s above the law, which means she can’t be bothered with petty shit like that. She’s too busy sucking, snorting, boozing, fucking, eating and licking! The important stuff!
TMZ says she also could have failed a drug test (try not to eat your tongue in shock) or even skipped out on a drug test. The warrant is for $50,000. But a warning to all citizens of L.A.! The suspect is armed and dangerous with a nose that can snort you up in milliseconds and vagina lips that can strangle you in minutes!
The B.H. PD said, “It is our hope that Ms. Lohan will surrender herself so that this matter can be resolved in a timely manner.”
Oh, shit! This would make my fucking weekend if that coketard and her partner in pussy SamRo went on the lamb! Bonnie & Clyde-style! All she needs is a pair of leggings, a strap-on and enough coke and Red Bull to last her for a few weeks. They can get in their car and drive, drive, drive, drive like the wiiiiind!!!!! Well, until they get into another fight and SamRo dumps Blohan out of the car and then calls the cops on her. Luckily for the cops, that’s likely to happen before they even leave Los Angeles city limits.
Here’s L.A.’s most wanted fugitive out in Hollywood last night. Only a White Oprah could love that face. Well, she will love it as long as that face keeps bringing home baggies filled with the bad shit.