The stoner of the sea Michael Phelps was on Today this morning to talk about the bong photo Tony the Tiger did not approve of. Phelps apologized. I wish he would quit saying he’s sorry for that shit and instead apologize for those damn grizzly bushbrows. How does he swim with two big ass beavers laying over his eyes (sounds sexy)? Obviously, he needs to light up the bong more. Sooner or later, the flame will shoot up too high and do Phelps a favor by singeing those things off.
Anyineedawakeandbake, Neptune’s son said sowwy to all those he hurt, “It was– really, you know, the people I hurt, you know, is my family, clearly. My friends. The close people around me. And most importantly, the fans. And– and, you know, I realize that that hurt a lot of people.”
The people he “hurt” need to heal their pain with a big bowl of green flakes. It works every time. My “doctor” recommends it!
Phelpsie said when the picture was taken he was just “celebrating” with a small group of people. It wasn’t some big ass college party, but just a small gathering of people who sat around and “celebrated.” I like that. The next time you get baked like a Duncan Hines brownie and a bitch gives you the side-eye, say, “Shut those eyes up, I’m celebrating!” Celebrating the gift of the leaf! That is a reason to celebrate.
The baked dolphin went on to say that he trusted everyone in the room and didn’t think some dumb ass rat would take advantage of him like that, “I trusted my friends who were there about who they were. And clearly they weren’t trusted people… Sometimes you learn the hard way.”
When the picture hit the world, Phelpsie immediately protected his money and called up all his sponsors to apologize. All of them, except for Kelloggs, were cool, but Phelpsie is fine with that. He added, “It’s not about money to me. So, you know, the — the contract side of things, yeah, I was disappointed. But, you know, I think the biggest thing is– is who I hurt the most. Like, if I lost money, okay. It’s not an issue with me.”
Um. He does realize that you need a little green to buy the green? Doesn’t he? Weed doesn’t grow on….oh…wait.
So now that Phelps has apologized yet again, he should put his lips over his bong friend and have a Chico’s kind of day (which involves lots and lots of toking).
VIA OK Magazine!