American Idol: OMG! Is Kelly Clarkson Pregnant? OMG!

March 12, 2009 / Posted by:

That question was the headline all over the intrawebs after Kelly Clarkon’s performance on American Idol last night. They know this ho isn’t knocked up. She recently said that she doesn’t want any chirruns in her life. This is just their way of saying that the bitch looks like she snacked on a Hometown Buffet, chomped on a Claim Jumper and washed it all down with a Chili’s. They wanted to write that when she was singing “My Life Would Suck Without You” she was thinking of Krispy Kremes. Damn. Just say it! We’re all fucking cunts here. It’s fine.

Yeah, bitch added a little chunk, but I think Kelly’s “Stevie Nicks on the ho stroll” outfit is mostly to blame. Did this bitch not learn anything from the big-tittied frog?

Anyway, now to the whores who went back to the world of broken dreams. I don’t understand how that Anooooop bitch ended up in the bottom 4? Everywhere I go, all I hear is Anoooop. I swore that bitches voted for him only because they want to keep shouting his name every week. That ho never did it for me. He always reminds me of that one IT guy in every office who gets drunk and starts singing like a fool at the office Christmas party. Throw pancakes at me (delicious), but I would have rather he went and Jorge stayed. American Idol is already a fucking extra-large fondue pot filled with burnt cheese, but Jorge takes it to a whole new level. There’s a Carnival Cruise funship calling his name….

Now about Jasmine. And by “Jasmine,” I mean her mother. We must never forget. And last night she brought out the elegant nails. That made it hurt even more. Can’t we replace Lock Jaw DiGrossi with Jasmine’s mother? She can just sit there, smirk and silently cheer. We hardly knew her!

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