The Epitome Of A Caring Mother

The Empress of Lucite should really write a book on how to be the perfect mother. It would comprise of 3 chapters: “Lucite: It’s never too early,” “Plastic tittays: It’s never too early” and “Playboy: It’s never too early.”

While gliding through a parking lot on a cloud of lucite yesterday, the always elegant Shauna told TMZ that Playboy has been a big part of her family. Shauna said she’s been taking her daughters to the Playboy mansion since they were 4. Shauna then turned to her 9-year-old daughter and said, “Do you want to be in Playboy?? Rip the “Mother of the Century” trophy out of OctoMommy’s slimy hands, because we have ourselves a new winner!

If you’re a mother and you don’t have dreams of your daughter whoring herself out on the pages of Playboy, then you need to go down to the doctor and ask for a jumbo shot of mother’s intuition.

Shauna’s little daughter’s sarcastic response was, “Yeah, a little girl in a magazine with stripper shoes and a bathing suit.” Stick a bar of Irish Spring in that little girl’s mouth! How dare she talk back to the most gracious and giving mother in the world. Even Mother Nature wishes she was half the mother Shauna is! Poor Shauna! I now see what she’s dealing with. She only wants what’s best for her daughters and they aren’t working with her!

Don’t fret, Shauna. One day your daughters will see the lucite and realize they aren’t complete until the world can see their titties and bits for $5.99.