Open Post: Hosted By Barbie

March 9, 2009 / Posted by:

Barbie turns 50 years old and the ho hasn’t aged one bit thanks to all that plastic in her face. Barbie was a major part of my childhood. In case you couldn’t tell, I played with that slut when I was a young homo. In fact, one of the first things bitches say to me when they meet me is, “You played with Barbies as a child, right?” And how!

I had one main Barbie. I stole it from my sister and that skank went everywhere I did. She was also the biggest slut on the block. She effed every G.I. Joe and Transformer doll in the neighborhood. She would sex them without even knowing their names! After a couple of months of doing slut shit with dudes, my Barbie started humping on other Barbies and even my Catra doll. A little while after that, I turned her into a full-on punk dyke by chopping off her hair and using a marker to color it bright green. She met her demise when one of the dumb whores in my neighborhood ran her over with a lawnmower. Poor skank. But she did pass down her life motto to me: Fuck everything and everyone!

I’m sure you all have your own Barbie stories, but that skank spread her no-crotch everywhere!

Below are some pictures of a life-size Barbie cake in Sydney. That thing still looks more life-like than Nicole Kidman!

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