No Coachella For Wino

March 9, 2009 / Posted by:

Well, I can put my coochie cutters away, because I won’t need them to woo (or scare off) truckers so they can take me to Indio, CA. There’s no reason to go anymore now that Amy Wino is officially not bringing her heroin shimmy to Coachella next month. The Wino has been banned from entering the US, because…well….because she’s Amy Wino. Her spokeswhore told People that she’s not going to be able to get a Visa, because of all her legal troubles (i.e. being charged with beating a trick.) And because she’s pretty much made of crack. Customs might have a problem with that.

Even though Wino is skipping out on Coachella, she will play her record label’s 50th birthday party in Britain on May 31st.

SUCKERY! I guess my dream of Wino beating me in the face during one of her performances will have to remain on my cum bucket list a little while longer.

I’m sure the drug-sniffing dogs of America are breathing a sigh of relief after hearing this news. They knew that when Wino arrived at the airport, their noses would fucking fall off. Their noses have been saved….for now.

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