Skip Lunch And Hit The Bottle Instead

Pun intended. I’m honestly going to push the Cup-O-Needles I was planning to have for lunch to the side and gulp down a large vodka without the ice (it gets in the way) instead. You’ll do the same after reading the mess Fox 11 (via TMZ) got a hold of.

Notes from detectives on the case state that the fight started when RiRi read a three-page long text message from some chick to Chris Brown. The two started fighting about the text and Chris tried to push her out of the car, but her seat belt got in the way. The notes go on to say that he pushed her head into the passenger window and began punching her while he was driving. Oh, he’s a fucking multi-tasker.

Chris allegedly told her that he was going to beat her even more when they got home. After that, RiRi called her assistant and told her to have the cops waiting at home. That prompted Chris to say, “You just did the stupidest thing ever. I’m going to kill you.” How fucking charming. It’s like a kiss.

The notes also state that Chris continued to beat at her, bite her and put her in a headlock. When cops showed up, there was blood all over the car on her clothes.

It’s been reported that since RiRi has gone back into his loving arms, she won’t testify against him. But TMZ says that she told cops this wasn’t her first time at the Chris Brown beat down rodeo. She said he had gotten psychical in the past, but the violence was getting worse.

Today in court, Chris was charged with two felonies: assault and making a criminal threat. He could face up to 9 years of ass fucking in the clink if convicted on both charges. He’s supposed to be arraigned this afternoon.

And now I’m off to find a basket of baby bunnies to cuddle with. Seriously, every Chris Brown/RiRi story should come complete with something from Cute Overload.