The Curse Has Struck Early

March 4, 2009 / Posted by:

Who will saaaaaaave Jewel’s knee?! Apparently not much will, because she might be out of Dancing for Relevancy. Alaska’s favorite snagtooth has been struggling in rehearsals because of tendinitis. UsWeekly says that Hef’s former colostomy bag changer, Holly Madison, is joining the cast and may be Jewel’s replacement.

Jewel will be on the show’s season premiere this Monday, but announce that she’s quitting that bitch because of her jacked up knee. Fuck that mambo crap, how is Jewel going to give impromptu blow jobs in parking lots and alley ways? I’d be more concerned about that than skipping around in sequins. Did I just say that?

CHERYL BURKE is really something else for starting the curse early. The show hasn’t even begun and the witch is already taking out her competition. Yes, Mop Head’s partner, Gilles Marini, pulled his groin, but she did that to throw everybody off. And she really wanted an excuse to rub her mop head all over his crotch. She told him it’s some special kind of massage.

The other contestants better stay indoors and keep a Swiffer close, because CHERYL BURKE is coming for them next. She can’t stand Swiffers.

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