Vanilla Ice is apologizing for EVERYTHING he’s done to this planet in this viral video thing for Virgin Mobile. This bitch doesn’t need to say sorry for shit! I should be the one thanking his ass, because Ice Ice Baby changed my life. Sort of.
In school, a group of cholas and I danced to this mess during the annual talent show. We didn’t win a damn thing. In fact, my ass got booed during my big solo. These motherfuckers not only booed, they also shouted shit like, “You go, girl!” and “Fag!” Up to this point, I was pretty much blind to shit like that. But there I was on stage, exposed. It was then that the cunt switch in me turned on and I realized that I hated people. So, thank you, Mr. Ice. Thank you for being a huge part of the moment where I saw the light.