Oprah Got A New Dog

March 3, 2009 / Posted by:

Gayle King’s main spooner adopted an 8-week-old blonde cocker spaniel from PAWS animal shelter in Chicago on Sunday, so says UsWeekly. The Mighty O picked the bitch from a litter of six.

Oprah’s last main bitches, Sophie and Solomon, went off to heaven last year. She still has her two Golden Retrievers, Luke and Layla.

Okay, why wasn’t anybody notified that Oprah was about to adopt another dog? My ass would have gotten on the next Peter Pan bus to Chicago and found a way into that shelter. Since it sounds like Oprah wanted a blonde bitch, I would’ve snatched Kim Zolciak’s broke down dog wig and plopped it on my head. While inside my shelter cage, I’d wag my ass, slobber all over myself and wink my eyes a lot. I do that shit all day anyway, but I’d turn it up for Oprah.

You know her bitches have the best lives. They eat filet mignon whenever they want it, shit on cashmere and drink only the purest water that would make an Evian bottle weep. Not to mention that she probably thinks it’s funny when you bite at Gayle’s bagina. Who cares if I’d have to lick up Oprah’s toe jam on a nightly basis. IN THIS ECONOMY, that’s a small price to pay for a life of luxury.

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