ROLB: Every Girl Gets Drunk And Lays On A Speed Bump

It was whore business as usual on last night’s Rock of Love Bang Bus. Kelsey, Ashley and Farrah got “shit your pants” wasted in the ultra-classy VIP section at Bret’s show.

Honestly, that section consisted of just a rent-a-center sofa with a broke ass Kinkos-made banner hanging over it. But those whores didn’t know the difference. They probably thought they were in Europe, because that shit was so refined and classy. It was obviously too elegant for Kesley and Farrah, because those whores got kicked the fuck out for smearing their skankness all over the joint. Basically, they were too drunk according to Big John. Yeah, too drunk! This boggles my mind, because I’m pretty sure the Rock of Love Bang Bus runs on booze-filled fumes coming out of their snatches. It’s green like that.

After Kelsey got kicked the hell out, she she had a meltdown and collapsed on a speed bump in the parking lot where she cried for about an hour. Kelsey later waved that fuckery off and said a lot of girls have probably passed out on a speed bump. Au contraire! A lot of DUMB girls maybe. Why the fuck would you pass out on a speed bump? Think about it.

Say you’re passed out on a speed bump and some bitch who isn’t paying attention drives over you. Bitch is just going to look out his window really quick and see the speed bump. He’s going to shrug it off and go on his way. That leaves you laying there, with your guts spilling out and all the booze leaking out of your system. There goes your buzz.

A drunk whore with brains will pass out in the middle of the street far away from a speed bump. That way if a bitch runs over you, they will look to the side, see no speed bump, get out of the car and investigate. They will call you an ambulance and a doctor at the hospital can patch you back up, so the booze doesn’t leak out. Buzz saved! Seriously, Kelsey doesn’t know shit!

This week’s episode would not be complete without an Ashleyism: “People who eat basil are lame!” Bitch wouldn’t think basil was lame if it was dipped in Red Rooster 21 and wrapped around a hard cock. In addition to give her thoughts on basil, Ashley also tried to cook a microwaveable dinner. I can’t wait for Chef Ashley’s show on the Food Network. Clip below: