Russell Simmons’ Money Is Raining All Over Kimora

Mating with a narcoleptic turtle has paid off for Kimora Lee! This bitch is getting $40,000 a month from Russell Simmons! Okay, it’s really for child support, but you know that ho is going to skim a lot from the top for herself. Russell will never know, because she can store it in her neck!

People says that the divorce between the two was made final yesterday in Los Angeles. Russell agreed to pay $20,000 a month per kid until they turn 19. Drinks are on Ming and Aoki tonight!

Kimumu won legal and sole custody. Russell will get visits, but a nanny and security bitch must be present. Yeah, he’ll visit just to drop off the check.

The fuckery doesn’t stop there. Russell will also have to buy a car worth at least $60,000 every three years for his girls to sit in until they turn the tender age of 16.

We’re all in the wrong fucking business. Baby making with Russell Simmons is a recession-proof industry! Yeah, you might wake up with night terrors from having to lick on his out-of-the-bottle Tequila worm, but for $40k a month, it would be worth it.

$39,800 would be spent on my bar tab and my personal Mother’s Cookie factory in the basement. Kids don’t need that much money! Just throw them a carrot stick and a couple of Legos. They’ll be happy with that.