The main event of last night’s Really Plastic Housewives of Orange County Reunion Spectacular was between Tamra and Gretchen. Battle of the blonde-bos! They really should have held this shit in a boxing ring in the middle of the Orange County Swap Meet.
Tamra started the brawl of words when she told us a little bedtime story involving Gretchen and her ex-boyfriend Jay. Basically, based on the tidbits that were delivered to her, Tamra thinks Gretchen was fucking on Jay while her sugar pepaw lay dying. Tamra went on to say that Jay told her that Gretchen was basically hired help and her only job was to take care of sugar pepaw Jeff (R.I.P.). Gretchen denied away that she ever did NOT RIGHT sexy times with Jay during and after her relationship with Jeff. Droopy Vicki straight up asked Gretch if she was fucking his ass and the answer was NO.
The rumor about Gretchen and Jay has been going around before the reunion aired. The Dirty even has a picture of Jay sticking his nasty ass tongue down her throat. And she’s still wearing the $65,000 rock Jeff gave her! In addition to that, Jay told The National Enquirer that he was Gretchen’s real boyfriend during filming. Gretch would spend her days with Jeff, but her nights with Jay. When Jeff shuffled off to the great beyond, Jay moved in with Gretchen. How do you say “escandalo” in OC talk?
The crowning moment of the battle was when Jeana asked Tamra why she cared so much about Gretchen’s supposed love triangle. The halo appeared over Tamra’s head, the angels sang and she said, “It’s all about moral character.”
If you melted down moral character into a sticky paste, mixed it with silicone, poured it into a Ziploc bag and then shoved that shit in Tamra’s chest, the bitch still wouldn’t have any moral character! Her soul would zap that shit to nothingness in two seconds flat.
And the angels ripped off Saint Tamra’s halo when she told Gretchen, “You’re such a fucking victim, aren’t you!” Why did I hi-five my TV screen when she said that? Cunts have to stick together.
Even Lynne woke up from her catatonic state and crawled out of her bong when Gretchen said that shit. Speaking of, was I the only one who was laughing till they farted when Lynne started crying?! You know she was only bringing the tears, because her brain was hurting so much after the meanies (Droopy & Tamra) made her think about important stuff.
The entire war of the whores is in the clip above. Relive the magic! Or just skip to the 5:20 mark to see the smug look on Droopy Vicki’s face. You kind of just want to stick a milk bone in her mouth, put a collar around her neck and then walk her off a cliff.
And the next season should just take place in one room. Just throw all those whores in there so we can watch them slowly eat each other alive. The only thing left would be implants, one of Lynne’s Cuff Loves and Tamra’s moral character. Because her moral character will live forever!