This Isn’t Cute

February 24, 2009 / Posted by:

The only thing CHERYL BURKE should be on the cover of is a barf bag to help you along. Seriously, I was going to have a cup of Dinty Moore for an afternoon snack, but now I don’t have to. I just have to swallow the vom coming up my throat.

As you can unfortunately see, my arch rival is on the cover of this week’s TV Guide. There’s also a typo. It should read “old turd,” not “new ‘tude.

Inside, CHERYL BURKE once again whines about how she was called a fat fuck by the media. Mop Head blamed her chunkiness on birth control pills, “I decided over the summer to stop taking birth control pills. I did it thinking that I was going to lose more weight for the season. But it actually did the opposite. It made me gain weight.

How she is able to gain weight still boggles my brains. With the gallons of diarrhea that comes spewing out of her mouth, she should be as skinny as Posh Beckam’s clit. Mop Head needs to eat a tampon.

And she’s got a new man. He’s a model. He’s 21. He lives in NYC. His name is Maxwell Zagorski. He disgusts me. Humping a raggedy, dirty mop is not right. It’s wrong. It’s illegal in most states. Mops are for cleaning the bathroom floor, not for cleaning your genitals! SUCIONESS!

Here’s a few pictures of Mop Head and her latest victim. For the record, I would not hit anything that has been tainted by CHERYL BURKE. Okay, I would. I really have no shame.

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