American Idol: She’ll Be Back

February 19, 2009 / Posted by:

Hurricane Del Toro’s destruction on American Idol has come to an end….for now. You can put the ear plugs and punching bag away for now, but I have a feeling this ho has not finished with us. Wild card, anyone? Even though Tatiana makes my finger nails fall off, she’s really the only one that makes me feel anything. The others are like a plate of soggy pancakes with no syrup. Boring as fuck, but if it’s front of me, I’ll slap my nalgas with it.

Last night, the third top 12 spot was between Tatiana and Robert Downey Gokey. The dude is a widower, so we know how this was going to play out. When Gaycrest announced that RDG was going on, I was hoping Tatiana would explode like a pinata filled with meth at Amy Wino’s birthday party. She didn’t. Instead, Tatiana slowly melted like she was playing Blanche in a community theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire. And the camera kept panning to her melodramatic ass while Gokey performed. I don’t know what was worse? Tatiana’s “power bottom without his dildo” pout or Gokey’s shirt and glasses! Seriously, that man needs a gay in his life. Summer’s Eve definitely made that t-shirt and glasses. That shit made my own clothes all wrinkly, because they felt weepy after seeing his mess! That outfit was made to be worn while doing body shots off some skeezer in a NJ bar. It was not meant to be seen by millions of people.

The other two hos who got the first top 12 spots were Jane Mancini and that roughneck dude or whatever the hell his name is. I already forgot and I’m not going to stress out my half-brain cell by trying to remember it.

After Tati was throw into the gutter, I love how the bitches around her weren’t even trying to give her a real hug. They were hugging her the way I hug my extended family. It’s an “I’m only doing this because people are watching” kind of hug. And the side-eyes! They fucking want to rip off that Paula Abdul 50-cent ring off Tati’s finger and poke her eyes out. They HATE her.

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