The season finale of The Really Plastic Housewives of Orange County turned out to be a reunion of all the past whores. Two bitches whose names I have already forgotten showed up at the final party as did Jo. Jo was the trick who moved to Los Angeles and got her own Bravo reality show with Slade which tanked. Jo is now pursuing a music career. If that shit doesn’t work out, she should move to Thailand to become a ladyboy. Who told her those bangs were a good idea? Most of the time, bangs like that make you look like you have a dick.
Speaking of dicks, Slade showed up wearing slacks with white flip-flops. This prompted Miss Manners aka Tamra to say, “He looks like a homo.” She had a point, but bitch was also standing next to her husband who was wearing a shiny fuchsia shirt! You know she picked that mess out, too so who is she calling a butt fucker?
The rest of the party played out like The Price is Right. I know this was shot before the country’s money caught on fire, but still! It was fucking ridiculous. Each housewife one after the other kept showing off their new crap. I felt like I had to guess the cost of each gift before the price was revealed to me. When the camera panned to Lynne’s fake titty balls, I expected the words “still making payments” to pop on the screen.
Anyway, Tamra’s husband bought her some $35,000 diamond bracelet and gave it to her at the party. You know that shit just came off layaway from the Jewelry Exchange in Tustin. $35,000 my ass! It’s not like Tamra would know the difference and her husband knows it.
Next up was Droopy Vicki who proudly showed off the Rolex she bought. She made sure every ho at the party knew that she bought it herself! That way everyone knows her husband can’t fill her “love tank” or even buy her a measly Rolex. I hope that shit turns her wrist green.
Lynne didn’t get anything. I was hoping someone would buy her a clue and maybe some moisturizer. But that didn’t happen.
Finally, Gretchen’s sugar papa je’e couldn’t make the fun and games, because he was too sick. In his absence, he had a red Harley set up in the parking lot as a surprise gift for Gretchen.
Gretchen did her usual gold digger scream when they unveiled the gift to her and then asked the other whores to come see her gift. Tamra and Vicki weren’t having that shit. Vicki thought it was stupid how Gretchen is such a spotlight whore. Vicki wasn’t even charmed when Gretchen got all the girls a Coach wallet (that she probably bought from the trunk of a car in an alley way). Vicki chirped that she didn’t get the e-mail that they all had to bring gifts! We know Vicki hates HATES Gretchen. Why does she have to keep reminding us? Even if Gretchen wet queefed a laptop computer with unlimited battery power and universal internet access, Vicki would still want to kick her in the bagina bone.
Below is a clip of the whole Harley drama. Tamra even says that she doubts Gretchen and her sugar dude are a real couple and that he’s probably just paying her to look after his sick ass. Well, a week after the party, sugar daddy Jeff passed away. Does this mean next season is going to feature a court battle between Gretchen and Jeff’s kids? Or maybe Gretchen will shack up with homo Slade (if the rumors are true). All I know is that I hope the truth is revealed about Lynne next season. The truth being that she’s really Steven Tyler.