American Idol: Will Tatiana Go On?

February 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Before watching American Idol last night, I had my ear plugs made out of egg crates and block of wood to scratch my nails into all ready for Tatiana Del Toro’s laugh of destruction. But the laugh never came out of her mouth. Tatiana was so drippy. It’s like someone sucked the helium out of her (I’m looking at you, Paula). Or maybe Tatiana accidentally had a sip of Paula’s Morphine water?

Tatiana corked the crazy and this left me confused. The blood in my system was even ready to drip down my nose when Tatiana’s Lucifer-sponsored cackle came spewing out of her mouth. The cotton balls were at my side! It never happened. Strange. I don’t know. It’s weird, because I could still see the crazy tingling in her eyes. Maybe she saw her ass on TV and figured she should bring it down a million levels to get votes. When the judges asked her about it, she kept saying, “I’m never like that! Ask my friends! I’m a multi-faceted woman!” or something like that. Uh huh. That’s what all crazy bitches say. The crazy doctor must have upped her meds.

Did TatiRo’s complete 360 help or hurt her ass? She could sneak into the Top 12 because there’s a lot of crazy people out there. Crazies stick with crazies. But my nose will definitely start crying blood tears if she makes it through tonight. It’s possible, because the girls were fucking GODAWFULHORRENDOUSEARBLOWINGBAD! The bitch who sang that Taylor Swift song made me yearn for the days of Kristy Lee Cook. Seriously, homegirl’s skills are that evil. And the hot chick who murdered that Police song should have had the real POLICE called on her ass for decapitating that shit! My peen hole could whistle that song better. What was up with her faces too? This is American Idol, not fucking Toddlers & Tiaras! Bitch should really try out a career in child beauty pageants.

So, now it’s guessing time! The 3 skanks who will make it to the Top 12 will be:

Alexis “Jane Mancini” Grace – Seriously, I was waiting for her to drop her mic and scream, “SYDNEEEEEEY!” (click to see her performance)

Danny Gokey – Because his name rhymes with chokey. And he’s the only one who didn’t make me punch my ears or fall into a coma. (click to see some of his performance)

Anoop – He’s popular as fuck! It was the night of Anoop. He could have eaten a live baby bunny on stage and bitches still would’ve voted for him! (click to see his performance)

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