Alfie, You Are… NOT… The Father?

February 16, 2009 / Posted by:

At first, I was surprised at the initial story that the fetus, I mean, the toddler, I mean, 13-year-old Alfie Patten could even make a baby with an eye-dropper sized load of nut, but what I find even more shocking is that two other boys, Richard Godswell (left) and Tyler Barker (right), came forward to say they’re actually the father of Chantelle Steadman’s baby, Maisie Roxanne. The UK has different standards on baby making practices, because here in the US, a whore has to go to Maury to find out which of the 14 reluctant stunt peens are actually the father.

The mega-slut-in-training told The Sun that it was Alfie’s baby jizz that got her knocked up. Chantelle said, “I love Alfie. I lost my virginity to him. We decided to start a physical relationship because we love each other. There has been no one else.” Alfie said he is willing to take a DNA test. Well, he got all excited about it, because his daddy said he’ll get a lollipop afterwards.

I just have a hard time believing Alfie is the papa je’e. I want to see some ID. Bitch doesn’t even look like he can tie his own shoes without sing “The Shoe-Tying Song.

Chantelle is probably tricking Alfie’s ass. She told him that the peck he gave her on the cheek made a baby. Alfie believed her ass when he saw a stork flying above her house. Just like in the books he just read!

If it is found that he is not the father, he can go back to living his pre-teen life collecting Yu-Gi-Oh cards, melting plastic army men with magnifying glasses and fiddling his piddler without the aid of a vagina. You know, normal toddler stuff.

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