Jessica Split Her Pants

February 13, 2009 / Posted by:

Jessica Simpson Fatgate ’09 is dying off and bitches have already erased the big-tittied frog from their “relevance” file. So while she was opening up for Rascal Flatts at MSG in NYC last night, Jess decided to put drop a little ammunition in our H8R guns to get more attention.

According to UsWeekly, Jess told the audience, “I’ve had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note. That’s why I’m wearing a skort – not a skirt, not a short – just so they wouldn’t split.

Let’s let the canned-chicken-brained bitch believe her voice has the power to split pants. The truth is that when her frog warble hits pubic hair-splitting levels, her pants take the opportunity to bust from that bitch’s ass! The dumb skank’s pants are splitting in more ways than one.

And you know how Papa Joe is spending his Friday. Bitch will be holed up in his basement with that picture above, Photoshop at his fingertips and a tub of Crisco at his side.

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