Heidi Klum Is A Real Lard Ass

February 13, 2009 / Posted by:

The new season of Germany’s Next Top Model hosted by Heidi Klum just premiered, so I guess the papers started asking deezigners if they think Heidi could make it as a runway model today. This prompted one designer to say that she’s so chunky that she would break the catwalk in two. Basically.

Deeeeezigner Wolfgang Joop told Bild,“She is no runway model! Heidi Klum is simply too heavy and has too big a bust. And she always grins so stupidly. That is not avant-garde – that is commercial!”

True. She doesn’t look like she poops out butt nuggets the size of a rabbit’s. She also doesn’t look like she’d end up in the next country if you sneezed near her. And she doesn’t look like she’s in dire need of a massage from a defibrillator. So in that respect. No, she doesn’t look like a runway model.

Karl Lagerfeld also chirped in. He crawled out from his tomb, quietly ate his salad made from virgin souls and said in between bites, “I don’t know Heidi Klum. She was never known in France. Claudia Schiffer also doesn’t know who she is.”

What the fuck is Karl even saying? Bitch never takes his sunglasses off, so how does he know what she even looks like?! He probably confuses his toothbrush for Kate Moss all the time. The bitch needs to take off his glasses and get a good look. He knows who that bitch Heidi is!

Also, am I the only one bothered by the fact that Heidi’s panties and bra don’t match in the picture above. It bothers me so much that I want to Photoshop them to match.

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