If Heidi Montag fell in a big tub of caca (aka Spencer’s gaping a-hole), stumbled out and landed on a white chair, this is what it would look like. It’s Aubrey O’Day on the cover of Playboy looking so fucking beige. Maybe this is what Heidi Klum pooped out (see below). While they were Photoshopping her tittays to look like the Mona Lisa’s forehead, couldn’t they splash some damn color on her.
That being said, if I had ass warts (check the free clinic for proof that I don’t), they would be leaking puss tears of joy at Aubrey’s slut success. Our little slutbag is growing up to be the biggest whore the world has ever seen and this is making me so proud. Playboy today, sucking dick in a dumpster for a half-eaten Egg McMuffin sandwich tomorrow! The whore’s the limit.