Not Edie!

SPOILER ALERT! Edie Britt, the resident cunt of Desperate Housewives, is done with that shit and will be leaving the show at the end of the season. This is gross news for the two of you who still watch this caca fiesta, me included. ABC confirmed Nicollette’s departure to TV Guide.

ABC didn’t say how Edie would be written off the show, but Ted Casablanca at E! claims he knows how it’s going to go down. A script is currently going around has one of Edie’s final scenes in it. According to Ted, this is what happens: “Edie finds out that her husband, Dave, plans to kill her—and Dave almost does kill her. She runs out of the house, but, alas, poor Edie gets in an accident, something involving her car and an electrical wire.”

Please tell me this is a joke and that’s not how Edie’s swan song is going to play out. Unless, she gets electrocuted from masturbating with the electrical wire, this is not how Edie should go out. She deserves something grand and slutty. A freak vibrator accident, or accidentally choking to death on a massive wang. Something like that! Ugh.

Edie is not the one who should be sent to the glue factory. The bitch knows who Spaghetti Cat is! This is reason alone to keep her. Honestly, I’d do the “fuck yes” dance in my black thong if they threw Susan, Gaby and Katherine into coffins. It would be a quick death scene too. All three get trapped in an elevator together and die from annoying the fuck out of each other.