International supermodel, silver screen sensation and chart-topping and musical genius Phoebe Price has arrived to host this Grammys open post for you. And how dare you ask “Why is she there?” I know you’re thinking that shit and you should be ashamed of yourself. Bitch is nominated for her stirring and emotionally raw song “I Kissed My Dog.” Okay, no, she’s not, but she should’ve been! And the Grammy whores realized that, so that’s why they invited her as their VISF (very important seat filler). Although, she might lose her position when some bitch gets angry that PP’s lil’ feathery hatlet is blocking their view.
Yes, it’s the Grammys and it’s like 45-hours long or some shit. It’s going to be a long night. Get your sleeping blankets out, grab a few granola bars for protein, put on a clean diaper (just in case you shit yourself out of boredom) and find the strongest shit in your house to help you get through this fuckery. Regular booze isn’t going to do it for you. You might have to suck on some Ty-D-Bol in order to deal.