Fantasia Is Trying

February 8, 2009 / Posted by:

You know, I almost didn’t know who this bitch was until I saw the sweaty pit drops on her dress and then I shouted, IT’S FANTASIA!” I’d recognize those bawling pits from across the world! It’s her signature and we should all slap our own pits in celebration, because bitch is consistently sweaty. But Fantasia did try to pull her mess together at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party last night in L.A. The dress was a step in the right direction, but bitch should have covered up those prison yard “practice tattoos.” I will forgive her for that, because those yellow ass nails take her look to a whole new level of sophistication. They serve a dual purpose though. When Fanny goes to parties, she hates not having all her favorite sauces around while she’s eating horsey dervies (that’s what she calls them). So now, she can pour dipping sauces into each nail and all her favorite flavors are at her fingertips. Literally!

Whitney Houston was also at Clive’s party last night and she sang. As usual, everyone said it was her triumphant return and she sounded glorious. If I took a crack hit for every time I heard that, I’d be as crazy as Bobby Brown. We get it. Whitney is back! And somewhere Jackie Collins is in a room shivering her ass off, because Whit stole her dress.

Below is a bunch of pictures of whores at last night’s party. They are, in order: Fanny, Whit, JHud, Katy Perry, Queen Joan Collins, Chelsea Handler…. and… and…. Oh, who gives a fuck! Just click on a picture, say, “TRASH. NEXT!” and then move on to the next one. Repeat. When you get to Kelly Clarkson’s picture, you might want to whisper your insult, because if bitch hears you, she might tackle your ass down.

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