Rayanne Better Be Her Maid Of Honor

February 7, 2009 / Posted by:

Claire Danes, aka forever Angela Chase to me, is promised to be married to a British actor-type named Hugh Dancy. Hugh is in that Shopaholic movie and was also in the greatest cinematic experience of 2006: Basic Instinct 2. I would marry the bitch for that fact alone.

Well, in case you haven’t fallen asleep you at this ultra exciting news, let me tell you that Claire’s spokeswhore confirmed the shit to People. 29-year-old Claire and 33-year-old Hugh began slapping each other’s private areas a little over a year ago. Wouldn’t it be a bitch if homegirl was knocked up and Hugh left her ass for Mary Louise-Parker midway through that shit? Passing the homewrecker baton!

A few summers ago, I saw Angela Chase walking down the street with an umbrella and a half-full Trader Joe’s paper bag. That’s it. Nothing else happened. Since this post is about her skinny ass, I figured I’d throw in that “who cares” fact. Everyone does that shit to me! The other night, a friend said to me, “I saw Rita Wilson the other day.” I responded, “Was the bitch’s tits on fire, because why should I care?” And I wonder why I have no friends that actually like me.

Anyway, congrats to these two! Don’t let the engagement ring get too settled, because I’m sure that shit is going to come off in a few months. I’m getting major “this ain’t gonna last” vibes from these two dehydrated turnips.

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