Debbie Phelps’ Merman Son Is Still Subway’s Hooker!

I finally got a clue. If I’m going to go on and on about Michael Phelps, then I should finally post a picture of the real Phelps hotness: DEBBIE in a glamorous Chico’s ensemble! Speaking of, it might be a Chico’s kind of day for Debbie, because Subway released a statement saying they weren’t going to throw Michael’s bong-loving ass away.

This is what they said (via UsWeekly): “Like most Americans, and like Michael Phelps himself, we were disappointed in his behavior. Also like most Americans, we accept his apology. Moving forward, he remains in our plans.”

Bitches probably got inundated with voicemails from lazy-tongued stoners threatening to boycott their shit if they don’t make things right. A sober bitch will give anything to stop a baked motherfucker from yapping, so Subway probably just said “fuckit.” Besides, IN THIS ECONOMY they can’t afford to piss off a group who regularly get the munchies. They should capitalize on that shit and put out a “stoner’s special” and double the price. When you’re riding high on the green cloud, you will trade in your earlobes for a little bit of deliciousness wrapped in bread.