Jessica Simpson Is Melting

February 6, 2009 / Posted by:

It sounds to me like Jessica Simpson needs to snort a few lines of crushed down Valerian and then take a looooong Calgon bath while listening to some soothing Enya, because bitch is on the verge. Apparently, the big-tittied frog was a mess while opening for Rascal Flatts in Grand Rapids, Michigan last night.

According to Radar and hos who were there, Jessica’s fuck-ups started at song #1. Jessica forgot the words to songs, complained about her ear monitor, got weepy in the eyes, said she missed her man, constantly drank water and even asked the band to start over during some shit song called “Pray Out Loud.” This is exactly what she did when shit kept going wrong. Jessica whispered in her mic, “Please, God help me through this!” At one point, she apologized to the audience for forgetting the words and said she just wanted to quit that bitch.

Jess’ spokeswhore said she wasn’t feeling well that day and had an off night.

And I thought the next Brit Brit meltdown would come courtesy of Miley Cyrus. Bitches better keep Jessica away from umbrella and hair clippers, because it sounds like this ho is one “Yooz a FAT bitch” away from going completely nuts. Bitch just needs to push her daddy off a bridge, go eat an entree at Claim Jumper and lay down for a few lifetimes.

Image VIA Radar

(Thanks Kathy)

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