Don’t these people look so happy? They are smiling and cheery-like. Well, you know they are straight-up weeping inside, or at least their genitals are. That’s because they are part of the Passion for Chris Movement ,which I guess, involves wearing a t-shirt denouncing your love for conquering your clit or buttering your corn.
If the Ex-Masturbator t-shirt isn’t for you, they have many others to choose from like Ex-Fornicator (NEVER!), Ex-Homosexual (ILLEGAL!), Ex-Diva (A Diva is another for a hustler) and Ex-Slave (?). Ex-Slave? Damn! Is there an Ex-Dom t-shirt to go with that? Those Christians are freakier than I thought. Beating each other in between bible study and shit. See a therapist after you finish lying to yourself.
In Michael K talk “Ex-Masturbator” and “Ex-Fornicator” translate into: “Current Fucking Liar!” Who can just stop masturbating? Once you start, there’s no going back. That’s where your hands always belong if they’re not on another dick of snatch! Jacking it is one of the first lifelong skills you learn. It’s the only skill you need really. You can do it anywhere, anytime. In fact, most of us are probably doing it right now. You can even do it with a friend. It brings people together and God loves that. Wait. Maybe that’s what they mean? Maybe they mean they are masturbating their exes? That would make sense.
I went to order a few of these, but for some reason they didn’t have the option to order without the “EX” part. I was looking for one that said “Homosexual,” “Fornicator” or “Masturbator.”
And I really love crazy Christians, because without them, we wouldn’t have fucked up shit like that.