POOP: The Cookbook

This is just one of the many barf-inducing bowls of grossness that Fishsticks Paltrow will serve up in her new macrobiotic cookbook. The shit book will be published next year under the title “My Father’s Daughter” and will focus on “the importance of togetherness at mealtime, emphasising that cooking for your family is the ultimate expression of love.”

Personally, I like to celebrate togetherness by gathering around a buffet of carbohydrates filled with preservatives and bashing Fishsticks’ mega snobbery with fellow haters. That sounds like the ultimate expression of love to me.

If you want a Goop experience, then save your coins and don’t buy Fishy’s book. Instead, take equal parts of delusion, narcissism and fakery, stir in a big bowl using the stick up Fishy’s ass. Then swallow the mixture. Wait 30 minutes, then vomit it all up into a bowl. Sprinkle some ORGANIC flax seeds on top and serve with a smug ass smile. There you go! You’ve got yourself a Fishsticks-approved bowl of poopy GOOP!

Here’s the GOOPess herself looking like a dried-up fishstick while being miserable in London yesterday.