The Real Housewives Of OC: Getting To Know Lynne
Before last night’s episode of The Really Plastic Housewives of Orange (like their skin) County, I only knew Lynne as the genius creator of Cuff Love, the accessory that will soon take the fashion world by storm, and I also knew she had the skin of a rotisserie chicken. But I didn’t know she also had the brains of a chicken. A fried chicken to be exact. A severely fried chicken to be exactly exact.
On last night’s episode, the hags all packed their favorite slinky tops held by jewels (THEY ALL WEAR THOSE THINGS) and headed to Las Vegas. During a poker game and dinner, we learned that Lynne is….how do I put this delicately….um…she’s a dumb fuck. Yup, the sun not only fried her skin, but it also fried her brains. Here’s a couple examples:
This is Lynne at dinner: “What can you put horseradish on if you’re a vegetarian?” You know she thought horseradish was made out of ponies. The waiter should have told her that vegetarians can eat horseradish on a big juicy steak. She totally would’ve fallen for it.
Lynne also has no idea if she has air conditioning in her house or not. It’s obvious that Lynne doesn’t have AC in her head house, because that shit up there is baked. She knows it. But how can you not know if you have AC in your actual house or not?! But this is Lynne we’re talking about. Her body is always a toasty 85 degrees Fahrenheit. AC or not. Her burnt up skin always keeps her warm.
Now, let’s take a break from big brained Lynne and talk about Gretchen for a quick second. Am I the only one bothered by the fact that the bitch is always complaining about how much stress she’s under from taking care of her ailing sugar daddy? What fucking stress is she speaking of? The man comes back from the hospital and she jets off to Vegas to flirt with dick bags! And when she’s not doing that, she’s getting tanked at dinner parties or living it up at Lake Havasu. She’s always saying shit like, “I just have to get away.” Bitch is always getting away! If I hear her complain on the show about “going through so much” one more time, I’m going to slap her in the head and peel a really big apple using her jumbo ass teeths.
Okay, back to Lynne. Please go pour yourself a dirty martini with THREE blue cheese stuffed olives (Vicki’s siggy drink) and watch the clip below of Lynne busting a move. Why does she dance like a horny gorilla trying to butt fuck himself with a ripe banana using no hands? And also, I’m pretty sure only dudes with blurry faces hit on Droopy Vicki.