While butt rapists and memaw beaters roam the streets, Sheriff Leon Lott Jr. of Columbia, SC would like to focus on caging merman Michael Phelps for taking a hit of the dark-sided plant known as marijuana. REEFER MADNESS! Phelpsy already said he was sowwy, but that isn’t enough for Sheriff Lott!
Sheriff Lott raised his justice fist, flicked his Ken doll hair, flashed his shiny teeth and issued this statement: “If someone breaks the law in Richland County, we have an obligation as law enforcement to investigate and to bring charges. The Richland County Sheriff’s Department is making an effort to determine if Mr. Phelps broke the law. If he did, he will be charged in the same manner as anyone else. The Sheriff has a responsibility to be fair, to enforce the law and to not turn a blind eye because someone is a celebrity.”
Oh, Sheriff Lott. You need a cuddle and a looooooong bong hit. Let me show you the way. After just one toke, you’ll be screaming, “Bongs for Phelps! Bongs for everyone!”
We should also raise a joint and wish Sheriff Lott luck in catching dolphin boy. Even if he gets him into a jail cell, Phelps will use his powerful fins to break through the concrete until he hits water…..and then….well….