Joaquin Isn’t Faking It

The pictures of Joaquin Phoenix looking like a slobbery hairball coughed up by some beat down alley cat have already tortured your retinas enough, so I figured I’d post a picture of him when he was a hot piece. When he didn’t look like you could find a crusted-over block of Philadelphia cream cheese under his dick. Oh, memories.

Not only has your eyes suffered burns from Joaquin’s new look, but your ears also have battle scars if you listened to new his new “hip-hop” act. There was a lot of talk that his new act was just that….a fucking act. Some whore said it was all performance art. Joaquin is now swearing on his maggot-covered nutsack that his new rap career is authentic.

Joaquin told the Associated Press (via People), “There’s not a hoax. Might I be ridiculous? Might my career in music be laughable? Yeah, that’s possible, but that’s certainly not my intention. I had a lot of dudes (MK says, ‘KFed and MC Skat Kat don’t count, Joaquin’) come up and say, `We really respect you for doing it, putting yourself out there, and going with it. Because I think true hip-hop heads know that it’s hard, it’s going to be a hard transition, and people are going to be lining up just to make fun of me.”

The recession is a living, breathing thing and Joaquin is pulling this shit? Well, at least he already has the crazy hobo look down when all his money dries up. Seriously, I just wish he would push his rap skills down in the basement where they belong and put on a clean, cozy straitjacket.