Those eyes have seen the flames of Hell close-up! Punxsutawney Phil once again delivered us horrific news: six more weeks of freezing our ass lips off! Motherphuka! Phuck off, Phil!
I swear, Phil’s groundhog hole (or wherever he comes from) probably leads directly to Satan’s bed chambers. He pulled this shit last year! Can’t he just lie to us? Phil can easily waddle out and keep his eyes straight. He doesn’t have to look at his shadow, he can just keep his evil eyes up and straight forward. This bitch wants us all to suffer in pain!
You know, I can’t say I totally blame him. Every year, he has to shuffle out, knowing that a couple of pepaws are going to grab all over his business. He’s making us suffer right along with him. I mean, look at the shit he has to put up with:
By the way, over in Staten Island, Chuck the groundhog didn’t see his shadow which means Spring is coming early! So, who to believe? Yeah, I think we should all roll with Chuck this year.
Happy Groundhog Day, everyone!