KITTENS vs. Bruce Springsteen

Yesterday was one of the biggest televised sporting events of the year: Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl V! Some people died from all the excitement. True fact. Halfway through this heart-stopping and tongue-swallowing event, the puppies went off to clean each other’s asses with their tongues and that’s when it was the kittens turn to entertain. KITTENS!!!! If you thought the Puppy Bowl killed hearts and made ovaries burst, the Kitty Half-Time Show presented by Bissell (um, ok?) was so spectacularly cute that I think I actually felt warm in my heart area. Or maybe that was just the microwaved saltines and Kraft slices talking.

The “other” Bowl also had their own half-time show. It’s kind of gives me “the awwws” that they actually thought they could compete with the world famous KITTY Half-Time Extravaganza. But they did try by bringing out The Leader Bruce Springsteen! Or is it The Supervisor? The Assistant Manager? The Boss? I forget.

You know, Bruce gave that shit all he had. He thrust that crotch like a strung out lunch-shift stripper trying to get a dollar so she can make another layaway payment on her crack rock. Seriously, he was all over it.

Now, even though I give Bruce half-a-clap for his Jersey crotch, the furry pussy balls win this shit! They sealed the deal at the 4:50 mark. I mean, one pussy is nibbling on another pussy’s ear! It’s so fucking cute that I want to eat my own ear off!

Pussy balls are on top and Jersey crotch is on the bottom.