Christina Raines’ Ravishing Eyebrows Are Safe (For Now)

Have you noticed that for the past month your eyebrows have been extra moist? That’s because they have been crying tears over the fate of Christina Raines. If your eyebrows haven’t already brushed you up on Christina, I will.

24-year-old Christina is the owner of two stunning eyebrows, she was also in the news for being Drew Peterson’s new fiancée (gulp). Drew is the creep master who killed his fourth wife Stacy and third wife Kathleen. Oops. I mean, ALLEGEDLY offed them.

Well, your eyebrows can stop weeping. Christina has quit that alleged lady killer. Radar says that with the cops help, Christina moved out of Drew’s house and she gave back the ring. Christina finally woke up, smelled the Sharpie and realized her beauty brows deserved better after watching Drew on Nightline. On the show, Drew said that there’s no more romance in his life. He went on to say that he’s only into flings now.

Christina is one brave (or stupid) bitch, because she confronted him about it. After a few arguments, she stormed out with her eyebrows still intact. When asked by Radar about the break-up, Drew said, “It’s probably for the best, but we just spent thousands of dollars on new furniture.”

Phew. Christina and her brows dodged a fucking bullet, knife, ax, rope or whatever the hell Drew’s weapon of choice is. Now Christina can finally use her Sharpie for something other than painting in her gorgeous brows. She can use it to write a fucking tell-all and expose his ass!