There’s a reason why Orlando Blooms looks like the member of a Rock Star Supernova cover band. The Kim Zolciak approved possum wig and douchy tattoos (the tree framing his nip is kind of poetic, though) are for a movie he’s shooting L.A. called Sympathy for Delicious.
Orlando always struck me as one of those precious fucks. Do you know what I mean? The kind that caresses and cuddles on you for a long ass time before getting to the X-rated shit! The kind that is operating on Skinemax mode when you’re on Spice Network mode. They’re kissing on your neck and you’re thinking, “Can you stick and bust already, so I can go watch some HGTV.” And I bet when Orlando is about to bust one, he faintly ahhhhhhs. Then he probably wants to spoon while he whispers in your ear and strokes your hair. Why ruin a good fuck with lovey dovey shit?
That being said, I’d turn on some HGTV and let him take his sweet time hitting it from the back.