Holy motherfucking shit! One of the things on my cum bucket list is to witness the Crackie of Camden’s heroin shimmy and crackie cackle LIVE in its full glory. And now I have my chance. Well, that’s if the Wino decides to get herself out of St. Lucia. And that’s if they even allow her ass into this country. I will pray to my bong that this happens, because I need to see this fuckery for myself.
The full official line-up for Coachella has been announced and Wino is expected (hold your breath, but only if you took a bong hit before) to grace the stage!!!!! I don’t care if I have to sell my ass ($5 a pop) to get there, but I am totally going. I’ll even sleep in the damn dirt in order to get close to her. And I’m throwing in an extra prayer to my bong that she scratches me in the face or butts me with her crackhive. I could die happy. No, seriously, I would probably die, because who knows what crackhouse jungle diseases she’d infect me with.
Again, that’s if she shows up! Homegirl will probably roll up in May asking, “Where’s the parteeeee, eh?!”
Tickets go on sale today at noon. I’ll be staying at the luxurious Toyota Tercel parked down the road. You bring the Wino juice (anything in your liquor cabinet mixed with ice pops) and I’ll bring the “I’ll be your Blaaaaaaaaake” signs.