Mickey Rourke Is Not Ready To Rumble

January 29, 2009 / Posted by:

Mickey Rourke has a hatchetface perfect for the wrestling world, so I’m a little disappointed to hear that he’s not going to pulverize opponents with his fug mug on WrestleMania 25. The rumors started when Mickey told E! at the MyFaceDontSAG Awards that he was going to tuck his roid rod into some sexy neon lyrca pants and get down at WrestleMania. Mickey even threatened Chris Jericho by saying, “You better get in shape because I’m coming after your ass.” After he said that, Chris’ ass cheeks shriveled into his asshole out of fear of coming nalgas to fug with Mickey.

Mickey’s threat prompted all parties involved to bounce on Larry King. It was a good night for human virgins with pure blood, because Larry and Mickey were not out hunting them for nourishment. Instead, Mickey was busy taking a verbal beat down from Chris Jericho. Yeah, it’s just an act. It’s hard to take wrestlers seriously when they always talk in that “I so menacing” voice. Imagine Chris’ sexy talk. It’s probably a totally boner breaker. Instead of sounding like he wants to softly lick your puss, he probably sounds like he wants to punch and pin it down.

Shortly after Mickey’s appearance on Larry King, his spokeswhore issued a statement denying that he was going to go pro. “Mickey was very honored to be asked, as he has the greatest respect for WWE. However, he will not be participating in WrestleMania. He is focusing entirely on his acting career.

Micky was probably just afraid that if someone slapped him the wrong way, his face would go flying off into the audience and that would embarrassing.

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