SPOILER ALERT!! Every damn week, The Bachelor promises an OH-SO-SHOCKING rose ceremony. So shocking that you will run to your toilet, stick your head in and try to flush the SHOCKING moments you’ve just witnessed. Yeah, it’s never shocking. Look at the ho above. She’s at the supposedly SHOCKING rose ceremony and she’s thinking, “This is supposed to be shocking? Wake me.” I mean, The Bachelor ended up not giving out a final stupid rose. Basically, he passed me a giant bowl of BIG FUCKING DEAL.
The only thing that would really be shocking is if they finally admitted they were all robot aliens from a far off planet called Pathetica. Well, everyone expect for Stephanie. She is all human and all woman (and all gorgeous eyebrows). I mean, does a robot alien have a beautiful unicorn voice like this:
And only God’s hands could have created those gorgeous eyebrows. And by “God’s hands” I mean a tweezer and wax strips.
P.S. – Next week’s episode features the most SHOCKING rose ceremony of all time and forever!