Enough with this Jason Bourne vs. James Bond shit! The minute Jason Bourne gets into some tight panties and shows us the fucking goods the way Daniel Craig did in Casino Royale, I’ll consider moving over to Team Bourne. But in the meantime, I’m sticking with Bond. If Matt Damon thinks I’m a caca person, then he would be right. But not because I love Bond.
You see, Matt thinks James Bond is really gross. He told the Miami Herald (via UsWeekly), “They could never make a James Bond movie like any of the Bourne films. Because Bond is an imperialist, misogynist sociopath who goes around bedding women and swilling martinis and killing people. He’s repulsive.”
Paging Ben Affleck! You’re needed at the nursery. Please carry Matt to his crib, stick a pacifier in his mouth hole and sing him a sweet lullaby. Just when his eyes start to close for the night, whisper in his little ear, “Honey, don’t be jealous.”
Seriously, who gives a fuck about all that shit? I’m not thinking about that when I’m watching Daniel Craig. I’m only thinking, “Take off your top. Shoot that bitch. Suck that olive. Shake that ass. Take off your top. Shoot that bitch. Suck that olive. Shake that ass...”