Round One Goes To Megan Lewis

I don’t know if you’ve been following the mess known as Kelly Rutherford’s custody battle with her gay-baby-faced estranged husband, but I have. I didn’t really post any of the details on here, because I figured nobody really gave a crap. Judging by the lone Inside Edition microphone in Kelly’s face, I was probably right about that.

The whole shit started when Kelly, who is knocked up with their second kid, filed for divorce from her millionaire husband Daniel Giersch. Kelly wanted to take her 2-year-old Herpes (opt: on purpose typo) to NYC this Sunday to shoot Gossip Girl. Her husband refused to let her go, so they all went to court!

During the past couple of days, GBF told a judge that Kelly gets all crazy while she’s shooting and won’t have time to care of Hermes. Daniel also said Kelly doesn’t know how to wipe their son’s ass properly and thinks it’s creepy that she still breastfeeds him. In Kelly’s defense, wiping ass is gross. Even your own. If I had to clean a baby’s caca-covered ass, I’d just turn the garden hose on it. Now I’m going to close my fat mouth for now about the breastfeeding thing. The last time I touched it, La Leche League threatened to shut me up by sticking their lactating nipples in my mouth. All I can say is that maybe Kelly wants to bring Hermes to NYC because her nipples get lonely. OKAY! I’m stopping.

After all the drama and ass wiping allegiations, a judge decided that Kelly can take Hermes to NYC. During the next couple of months, Hermes will split his time between New York and L.A. while Kelly and GBF try to work out some kind of custody agreement.

They will all go back to court in April for more party times!