Tommy Loves German Wieners

Tommy Girl is currently sashaying throughout the world to promote that movie that I won’t even watch while taking a doody. Tommy made a stop in Germany and just couldn’t stop raving about their delicious wieners! He can’t get enough of their wieners! He loves big ones, small ones, fat ones, skinny ones, curved ones, cheese-covered ones, leaky ones…all kinds! He loves to put three in his mouth at a time while rolling around a bed filled with even more German wieners. And he doesn’t share.

Tommy told BILD, “I feel honored to be here. Whenever I come to Germany I always receive a really warm welcome. You get the best beer here – and the best Wiener Schnitzel.”

His handlers told him to add that Schnitzel part. He doesn’t know what that means. And I bet he also can’t name 3 German beers! I can: um…St. Pauli Girl? And ummmm….errr… something with Oktober in it? Okay, I can’t name three, but neither can Tommy Girl. But I bet we both can name 3 German wieners we’ve had. I’d name them here, but I need to protect the innocent. Besides, I think I think I sprinkled some crabs on one of those German wieners. Jokes!

Tommy also recently said that he wanted to kill Hitler when he was a boy, “I’ve always wanted to kill Hitler. As a child, I used to wonder why someone didn’t stand up and kill him.”

Tommy was a special needs child who wasn’t allowed to play with hard toys and was kept in his crib until the age of 11, right? Because he was born in 1962 and Hitler became worm meat in 1945. So someone did “kill Hitler.” Hitler did! Tommy is such an itty bitty dumb fuck.

Here’s Tommy outside of some restaurant in Germany talking about aliens, Hitler and German peens.