Soledad O’Brien Hates Dogs

And by the looks of that dog’s face, he hates her ass too. Or maybe he’s just pushing out a shit bubble? Probably the latter. This pooch’s butt wind, among other things, is why CNN’s Soledad O’Brien is trying to get him evicted! Soledad, the secretary of her NYC co-op board, sent a 20-page affidavit to Ugo the dog’s owners stating he’s nasty as shit so he must get the fuck out. Yes, I’m sure that sentence was somewhere in those 20-pages.

Soledad and the other board members claim Ugo is too big and he slobbers, sheds, drools and farts everywhere. Steven Lyons, Ugo’s owner, told the NY Post, “She told me at a shareholder’s meeting that my dog stinks. Her behavior has been particularly outrageous.” Steven also said that he tried to work with the board. He takes Ugo to get groomed three times a month and offered to use the freight elevator when walking him so that his neighbors don’t have to see him that often. None of that shit impressed the board, because Soledad signed a notice canceling the family’s lease. So either the family will be homeless or Ugo will.

Poor, farty Ugo. Doesn’t he look sad? He knows that soon he might not have neighbors to crop dust on and that depresses him. I want to know how bad are Ugo’s farts? Are his farts so fucking awful that they are seeping through the walls and singeing nose hairs? Or is Soledad hanging out in the hallways and elevators all the time? I’m sure this dumb bitch hardly comes in contact with Ugo and his toxic butt. How would that ho like it if someone sent her a 20-page affidavit saying that her queefs are making eyeballs sweat. That damn witch wouldn’t appreciate it. I hope one of Ugo’s deadly farts creeps into Soledad’s closet and melts on one of her shoes.

That said, I’ve witnessed a Mastiff going doody time before. It was an experience my tongue will never forget, because I could seriously taste it. It tasted like overboiled corn and fried chipped beef.

Thanks Liz