Wino Is A Booze Bandit

January 14, 2009 / Posted by:

Remind me to never ever visit the Le Sport Spa in St. Lucia, because they are not above cutting boozers off from their life juice. That’s what The Sun says they did to Amy Wino because they were sick of her being a drunken mess. So what’s a Wino to do? I mean, if alcohol isn’t always in her system she would probably start making sense and nobody wants that. Nobody.

So, some source said Wino has been begging guests to buy her booze at the bar. She’s also been straight-up stealing drinks from guests. That’s my favorite pastime! Personally, I wait at the bar and snatch just delivered drinks while the bitch is going through their wallet for money to pay that shit. You have to be seriously stealth.

Wino’s technique involves her crawling under tables and stealing cocktails when nobody is looking. A source said, “We keep catching her crawling past bars, or hiding behind chairs. She grabs guests’ drinks and runs off, like a squirrel with a nut.”

And I bet she hisses at you like a cunty squirrel too. But where does she store her booze nuts now that her crackhive is gone?

The source went on to say, “She’s like a child craving attention. It’s embarrassing. She comes in for dinner barefoot and in her bikini, even though the dress code is smart casual. Then she will go and sit on her balcony topless playing the guitar when everyone is trying to sleep.”

Um. Barefoot in a bikini is formal for Wino. They don’t want to see her “smart casual,” because it would make the children poke their eyes out with forks.

Guests say Wino has taken up yoga while on the island. But that’s not yoga she’s doing. Because she doesn’t have crack or a steady supply of booze, she’s trying to shimmy any possible alcohol or crackie remnants from her body to her brain. It’s junkie yoga! I love her.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >